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Chasing Pleasure

Oleh
One day I was contemplating the future that I want to have. In the middle of contemplating, my mind wander into some moments of my life. Those short rewinds of memories make me realize that I have the tendency to be a pleasure chaser. To wanted something because I thought it would make me happy but ended up making me want more of other things.

I remembered that I wanted a keyboard to play music when I was in elementary school. I wanted to learn how to play it and I wanted to perform as a keyboardist in my school. After a certain time of waiting, my parents finally bought me a keyboard and planned to get me a music teacher. Something happens, and all my desire for a keyboard disappears. I didn't want to play it again or learn how to play it. The keyboard is still there in my home but no one plays it now.

I also remembered that I wanted a camera. I told my parents about it, I was so interested to take photographs, editing, and sharing the results of my photographs. After a long waiting, I got what I wanted. I was so excited, I explored a lot of different techniques on photographs, learned how to edit photographs, and so on. It lasts quite a long, maybe 5 to 6 years. Until college distract me, clinical rotation kept me busy and I got no desire to touch my camera. The excitement is gone.

I realized that all the things I wanted because I thought I would be happy when I have them. I thought that it would make me complete and become skillful with one thing. Now they only make me realize that I was chasing pleasure.

It's made me careful with my wish and ambition. I do not want the same thing to happen in the future where I suddenly lost excitement to the things I wanted and chased so hard. I take time to consider anything, I take time before making decisions. 

We might not realize that we tend to chase the idea of happiness from something. We thought that having an iPhone, having a car, having certain branded bags, clothes, or even becoming something would make us happy when we finally got it. We were occupied with the idea of 'if I were this' or 'if I had this' would make our life happier and that's not the deal.

So, instead of portraying our life with something we don't have and someone we are not, let's take a moment to be grateful for everything that we have and for who we are right now. That might help us to stop chasing pleasure and living the moment.

Today, I'm still trying to understand, all my dreams; all my ambitions; all my visions; is it for my best or it is just my thought trying to make me believe that all of them would make me happy in the future, and if I don't get all of them, I would not be happy. 
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