Topeng Malam

If I could define myself, I would never say I am a brave person. Anxiety goes along with me every day at every chance. Which made me scared to do anything. Every time I wake up, I will always think about what will happen today, how am I going to get through this day. Will there be anything that I couldn't handle? Will there be someone who will be mad at me? How am I going to go to a certain place? What should I eat for lunch? What time should I eat for lunch? etc. If only I had the chance and strength to stop and not do anything, I will gladly take that chance. If only I do not need money for living, if my mother still has a lot of money in her bank account, I will gladly do nothing and just enjoy every moment. But, I am not sure whether all of those 'if only' situations will surely calm my mind. I am not sure. I guess I am too selfish, to keep waking up every day just to realize that I am not enjoying my life. I keep doing something that deep in my heart makes me uncomfort