Mental Health Day Note

Two years of clinical rotation in the hospital was one of the hardest times I've ever been through. I remember the day I had my first ER shift, my thoughts were never quite, I had some really bad scenarios running in my mind which makes me more nervous and questioning my decision to join the medical school at the first place.

After that, all I care about was to finish the rotation and get out from there as soon as I could. I almost quit but I thought the wait is worth the pain. It is true. I finished the rotations and I get my certificate as a Medical Doctor.

But it's not the end, I carried my anxiety away with me after the rotations ended. I was struggling to manage my worries about almost everything in my life. I was worried a lot which made me unable to enjoy the present. 

I was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder by a psychiatrist. I got medicine to help me handle my anxiety but I didn't take it because I don't want to consume any medication, I need someone to listen to me and help me but not with meds. So I went to a psychologist.

My therapist asked me to do mindfulness, to release some tension in my body. My body was unintentionally set to a standby mode, which made me always tense. My neck, my jaw, my spine, and my leg were so tense. Mindfulness helps me to release the tension. It was a short session to start my day, 5 to 10 minutes sitting down and be present with my thoughts, my body, and my feelings.

Anxiety will not go away from me, it will be a part of me. All I do is accept it and live with it.

I am 25 years old this year and I'm still trying to figuring things out. 

Someone might never understand and it's not my job to convince them to understand. But I am still valid, my emotions are valid.

It is okay if no one understands if no one knows if no one accepts you or your feelings. You are valid and your emotions are. When it feels so hard to carry it alone, reach out. Someone will help you.